Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What drink are we having for lunch?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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