There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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