I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
