i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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