with your own penis?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
