I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
