nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
