that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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