I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
