you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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