honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just pynch a tree in the face
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
