It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
ttyl tear gas
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
