I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
