Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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