I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize