He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize