If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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