You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
