I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you didnt know i had herpes?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
