do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
