Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
