hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize