I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
