we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
