Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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