Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
