Non-Jews are for practice
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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