do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
