i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
