I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
