Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
