I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
