Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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