Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
