Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
