At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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