tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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