Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
