found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I need to calm my uterus...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
