Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
