every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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