I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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