i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
