And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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