she was so not down for the gang bang
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
