i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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