Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
