we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
