you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
