hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
