He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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