I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
