I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
