When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
