3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
