saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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