I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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