You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Come on in and take your pants off
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