So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize