That's when you crack a 10am beer
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
