im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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