see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
