I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
