wrigley field is MILF paradise
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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