You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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