There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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