I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
