The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
