I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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